A Gardener’s Response To Hail

What is a gardener’s response to hail?  If hail has left damage to your garden what should you do? I’ll leave it to the experts to give you sound advice on how to take care of your plants. Instead, let me share with you my very mature response to hail.

hail damaged garden

How Laura Responds to Hell….ooops Hail.

Number 1:  When I hear or see it coming, I scream at the sky. “Go AWAY. NO! You are not welcome! Get out of here you stupid hail. I rebuke you oh evil one!!!”

Number 2:  I put helmets on everyone in my home and shove them out the door with buckets and blankets to cover the plants. (To this day my grown daughter begins to physically react to hail storms by jumping up and getting ready for action. And, get this. She doesn’t have a garden. She lives in an apartment. I’m sorry Jenna.)

Number 3:  If I’m not home when the hail hits, I hold my breath as I turn the corner leading to my home. If it’s hailing and I get home in time, I go back to number 2 and then skip to number 4.  If it has stopped hailing by the time I get there, and I see damage, I stay in the car for at least an hour and then I skip to number 5.

Number 4:  If I’ve done what I can do to cover it all, I go hide in the bathroom until it’s over. Then I ask someone else to survey the damage. If it’s bad, I don’t go out there in any meaningful way for at least an hour.  I simply can’t look right away.

Number 5:  When I finally am able to go out, I squint my eyes when I first enter the garden. This is kind of like when I had to go into a room and clean up vomit. I always squinted my eyes and scrunched up my nosed as I cleaned up my kid’s puke. I tried really hard not to LOOK closely.

Number 6:  I begin to run and around and clean up FAST (Google “hail damage Colorado” and you’ll see that I’ve often failed to heed advice learned there). Instead I run around like a crazy woman and clean it up, squinting my eyes as I go.  I try not to look too closely. The faster I get the clean up done, the better.

Number 7:  I run back inside. I give myself permission to shake off the horror of cleaning up the mess in my garden. This may take an hour or days.

Number 8:  After number 7 is over then I give myself permission to cry my fool head off.  Yes, every time I cry.  I cried A LOT when hail hit my backyard ONE WEEK before my son’s backyard rehearsal dinner.  THAT deserved tears.

Number 9:  After I have dispensed copious amounts of snot, I get back out and take a better look. I walk around.  Clean up some more. Then I sit in a lawn chair and stare and work to remind myself that a garden, while it looks dead, really never is.

I hope you enjoyed my little explanation of my mature response to the damage of hail.

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